Children's Advocacy Center

What is child sexual abuse? 

Child sexual abuse or sexual molestation is any kind of sexual act directed toward a child by an adult or much older child. Such acts include sexual fondling, digital penetration/ intercourse, oral sex, or sex, exhibitionism, prostitution and using children for the production of pornography.

What are some of the physical and behavioral signs?

Children who may be too frightened to talk about sexual molestation may exhibit a variety of physical and behavioral signals. Any or several of these signs may be significant. Parents should assume responsibility for noticing such symptoms including:

• Extreme changes in behavior such as loss of appetite.
• Recurrent nightmares or disturbed sleep patterns and fear of the dark.
• Regression to more infantile behavior such as bedwetting, thumb sucking or excessive crying.                 
• Torn or stained underclothing.
• Vaginal or rectal bleeding, pain, itching, swollen genitals and vaginal discharge.

• Unusual interest in or knowledge of sexual matters, expressing affection in ways inappropriate for their age.
• Fear of a person or an intense dislike of being left somewhere or with someone.
• Other behavioral signals include aggressive or disruptive behavior, withdrawal, running away or delinquent behavior, or change in performance at school.

What if I think my child has been abused?

Believe your child. Children rarely lie about sexual abuse.

Commend your child for telling you about the experience. However you do not need to ask your child for detailed information about the experience. Listen to what your child wants to tell you. Respond to what your child is feeling. Convey your support for your child. A child’s greatest fear is that he or she is at fault and responsible for the incident. Alleviating this self-blame is of paramount importance. Tell your child that he or she is right to tell you. Report any suspected molestation to the Department of Social Services or to the police. (See Resources for phone numbers.) Remember that taking action is critical because if nothing is done, other children will continue to be at risk. Child sexual abuse is a community interest and concern.

Make sure that your child knows that if someone does something confusing to them, like touching, taking a naked picture or giving them gifts, you want to be told about it. Reassure your child and explain that he or she will not be blamed for whatever an adult does with them.

What should I not do?

Don’t deny the problem. Trying to forget the abuse happened doesn’t protect your child or you from having to deal with the feelings about the sexual abuse. Instead, it interferes with the care and protection for your child. Don’t lose control of your feelings. Stay calm with your child and never blame, punish, or embarrass your child. Support your child, no matter how hard it is to believe.

What are common reactions of parents of sexually abused children?

Shock, disbelief, rage, desire to get even, guilt, embarrassment, self-blame, depression and sense of betrayal are just a few of the common reaction of parents. It may be a parent’s worst nightmare come true when a child says he or she has been sexually abused. Initially, you may feel overwhelmed by your own shock, fear and anger. If the abuser is a close family member, you may also be struggling with disbelief and a sense of having been betrayed. 

Lots of parents ask themselves what they can do for their children. Try to comfort your child as you normally do when he or she gets hurt in other ways. Offer him or her security that you will keep the abuser away from him/her. Let your child hear that you are sorry he or she was abused and that you will help him/her feel better.

                                                                Tips to Parents

Listen and talk with your child. Communication with your children is the best defense against child sexual abuse. This is a challenge for every parent, especially for parents of adolescents or parents who work. Below are some tips to help enhance communication between you and your child.

• Talk to your child every day and take time to really listen and observe. Learn as many details as you can about your child’s activities and feelings. Encourage him or her to share concerns and problems with you.

• Explain to your child that his or her body belongs only to them. Let your child know that he or she has the right to say “no” if someone tries to touch them.

• Discuss with your child that some adults may try to hurt children and make them do things they don’t feel comfortable doing. Often, these adults will say that what they are doing is a “secret” and that the child should not tell anyone about their “secret”.

• Explain that these adults may threaten children by saying that the child’s parent may be hurt or killed if the child ever tells the parent or anyone else about their “secret.” Emphasize that an adult who does something like this is doing something wrong.

• Tell your child that adults whom they know, trust and love might try to make them do things they don’t feel comfortable doing. Mention to your child that sometimes adults in a position of authority (like a baby-sitter, an uncle, a teacher or even a policeman) might also try to hurt them. Emphasize that most adults would never do anything to harm a child.

• Give your children information about privacy rules and what kind of touching is okay and not okay. Make sure everybody follows the rules.

                                                A Parent's Guide to Internet Safety
                                           www.fbi.gov/publications/pguide/pguidee.htm

                                                      KidsHealth Internet Safety
                            http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/net_safety.html

                                                      WebWiseKids Internet Safety
                                                        http://www.webwisekids.org

Children's Advocacy Center
100 Washington Place
Spartanburg, SC 29302
864-515-9922